What are the signs that you have truly forgiven someone? Sometimes, we are not really sure. But we go ahead and we think and act like we have moved on. We will always remember the hurt and the pain. Forgiveness is truly hard.
After all, forgiveness is a choice but it is also a process. Making the choice does not come easily. The process is even more difficult. Here are some signs to help you determine whether you have truly forgiven and are truly moving on.
Forgive the Sinner, Forget the Sin
Can can think about the person in a neutral perspective instead of the hurt and pain they caused you? If yes, it is one sign that you have truly forgiven them.
We usually think of how someone has hurt us and made us suffer. Anger at that person is a normal initial reaction. Can you forgive the sinner and forget their sin against you? Then you are on your way to moving on.
It is said that the Master does not need to forgive because the Master understands. So the toughest test is if you can think positive thoughts about this person again. You may even gain a deeper understanding of why they acted that way towards you at that time.
No Grudge, No Need to Get Even
We usually want to retaliate and get our revenge on the person who hurt us. It may not be through our hands but through some other means. We just want to get even with them by wishing harm upon them.
However, if you have truly forgiven, then you will have the desire to take revenge anymore. You realize that harming them will also have consequences and may negatively affect the people around them. If you also hurt other people because of revenge; then you cannot call it forgiveness.
If you have truly forgiven them, then you will not wish them harm. You are no longer holding a grudge against them although you are not obligated to continue interacting with them. Instead, you will wish for them to succeed. You wish for them to become a better person. This way, they don’t end up hurting others like they hurt you.
Speak Without Judgment
As we all know, forgiveness is a process. It is a healing process that may sometimes require you to keep your distance from the person who hurt you. Avoiding them is your way to gather yourself together. You want to face the person and the hurtful situation in a less emotional state.
Time can fade old wounds. You come to a point where you can tell your painful story without blame, or anger. Most importantly, without judgment of the other person’s actions.
People who have truly forgiven can tell their painful stories without blame or shame. Instead, they highlight the valuable lesson they have learned from it. They show an acceptance of things as they are and not as somebody’s fault. They realize that they may also have had a fault in how the whole situation turned out as it did. Forgiveness also requires self-acceptance and taking responsibility for one’s action or inaction. It is a choice to let go so you can start to heal.
When you have truly forgiven, you not only let go of the hurt, blame and shame you felt for yourself. You do the same for the other person as well. You have expanded your understanding of how things unfolded and how the other person may have felt at the time. You realize that the other person had their struggles too. You accept that everyone contributed to the situation in one way or another but not intentionally.
Finally, you have truly forgiven someone, when you can also feel free to talk to them without judgment. You may even be capable of joking about the past experience. You are able to look at the goodness of the person and want to help them succeed in their goals.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash.